When our five-year-old daughter was asked to be a flower girl in her aunt’s wedding this past fall, we heard a lot of comments like: “How sweet, what a perfect age to be a flower girl.” And I tended to agree – at five, she was no longer a toddler or even an early preschooler, but not yet that snarky tween we’ve been reading so much about. Yet, I also knew it wasn’t going to go off without a hitch. While she loved talking about and planning for the big day, I had a feeling she would become reticent when she realized what the job actually entailed. Obviously no two children are alike, and there are plenty of precocious extroverts out there ready to saunter down that aisle with ease, but I’d argue that they are the exceptions. Most young girls in the flower girl age category (about 3-7) will have and express fear about walking down the aisle.
{Photo: Mary McHenry}
Here are few ways to assuage that fear:
- –Talk to her about the wedding months in advance. Explain and show her what a wedding ceremony will look like. Use picture books, movies, or even previously screened Youtube clips to give her an understanding of how it will all play out. Don’t wait until the rehearsal (unless you think this would work better for the child’s personality, of course).
- –Next, after she begins to understand what the job entails – set up pretend wedding ceremonies, and allow her to practice. There’s nothing girls this age like more than to pretend and play make-believe. Let her use her dolls or other props to stand in for the bride and groom, and to “play” wedding. It can’t hurt…
- –For the actual ceremony, allow her to walk down the aisle with someone else- her mother, father, an aunt or someone else in the wedding party with whom she feels comfortable, or how about the ring bearer? Makes for a very cute picture…
- –Don’t force her to actually drop any petals. Simply walking down an aisle in front of a large crowd may be challenge enough. If she scoffs at the basket of petals, don’t push it.
{Photo: Next To Me Studios}
I’ve been to many a wedding in which all kind of deviances from the plan have taken place: the frozen flower girl, the giggly flower girl, the speedy flower girl, or the distracted flower girl, to name a few. As with all aspects of wedding planning, it’s best to be at least a little prepared that this small part of the day may not go exactly as planned. But then again, most of these unexpected (often adorable) moments are what people talk about over brunch the next morning. I remember one close friend’s wedding at the beach. There was the flower girl lying on her stomach drawing circles in the sand with a stick. It made for a gorgeous, innocent photo mainly because it was such a precious, spontaneous moment, and it didn’t take away from the ceremony. Everyone proceeded as planned rather than trying to usher the little girl away and put her back in her “place.” Sure, this might have worked so well since the backdrop was a beach – an innately relaxed locale, but I think the bride and groom’s relaxed attitude towards the children also helped to create a stress-free atmosphere.
{Photo: Clary Photo}
As for the reception – I suggest deciding on a departure time at the beginning of the night. We were fortunate enough to have a local sitter helping out. I highly recommend this. The party will most likely be at an unfamiliar location with a lot of strangers, and it was reassuring to know that we had an extra pair of eyes on her. We allowed our daughter to see the first dances, have her own fun dancing with the ring bearer, the bride and groom – and even sit in on some of the toasts. For most girls this age, this night will be full of many firsts and it was pure delight to watch the night unfold through her eyes. But all that is not to say that I was not relieved when 9:00 came and we kissed the little munchkin goodbye and goodnight.
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Liz Mathews is a Connecticut based mother, teacher, and freelance writer who blogs on children’s books and related topics at La La La (http://lalalaliz.com/). Her work has appeared in Quality Women’s Fiction, Town and Country magazine, and Literary Mama.