There are those few blessed and talented individuals who, when called upon to stand in front of a large group of people, are able to creatively and seamlessly deliver a toast off the cuff. For most of us, however, this is a task that requires preparation, including some researching, writing, and yes, even editing. When I think about how to explain most effectively how to write a good toast, I am reminded of the advice I give to high school seniors when they write their college essays: have a clear topic, use supporting details, end with a strong conclusion. Of course you don’t want your toast to read like a five-paragraph essay, but you do want to stay focused and try to tie everything together. The most memorable wedding toasts have a few (or at least one of these) key qualities:
{Photo: Emily Blake }
- They use a clear theme. Choose one quality about the bride or groom or couple and hone in on it: Are they adventurous? Creative? Philanthropic? Choose their best quality and then select around a few specific examples that support this theme. Did they travel cross-country or do the Peace Corps? Do they love to ski or sail together? Were the high school or college sweethearts? What makes them unique as a couple?
- They stay on track. We’ve all been attendees at that rehearsal dinner when the possibly drunk cousin or uncle or former best friend stands up and starts to ramble on with no clear plan. Even if you don’t have it all written out verbatim, you should have at least a few things written in some kind of surreptitious way – to keep you on track.
- They use a metaphor. These are my favorites. Think about what the couple loves to do: skiing, golfing, painting… and then select an image or action within that passion to represent who they are as a person. In trying to convey one of my closest friend’s love for sailing at her wedding, I told the story of the first time she took me sailing and how each strong independent action and choice she made on that sailing cruise represented her strength of character, her easy disposition. What was missing until then? A deep and heavy keel – a foundation, which they now provided for each other. And then I went on to explain how they tied the proverbial bowline (the strongest and most reliable knot in sailing. But you get the idea…
- They use carefully chosen quotes or poems. Readings do no only need to be relegated to the ceremony, especially since most people select “Paul’s Letter to the Corinthians” which gets way too much air-time. Check out poets Billy Collins, Philip Levine, Mary Oliver, or Marge Piercy (just to name a few) –all contemporary poets who have written eloquently and prolifically on the subject of love.
- Choose a single anecdote from the past that highlights who they are as a person today. At my husband’s oldest friend’s rehearsal dinner, he told the story about when they were in preschool together and whenever another little boy tried to play with his best friend, my husband would hit them or knock down their blocks. It got a laugh and showed – in a clever way – their friendship’s loyalty and how they’ll always have each other’s backs.
{Photo Via: Pop Sugar}
Regardless of how you choose to talk about your closest friends or family members on this important day, be intentional and deliberate with how you pull your thoughts together. Everyone appreciates thoughtful wedding toasts that have clearly been planned out in advance. And, try not to drink too much beforehand; though a little alcohol can calm the nerves, it can also make for a sloppy delivery. I advise volunteering to be one of the first ones to speak – you’ll get it out of the way and then be able to sit back, relax, and listen.
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Liz Mathews is a Connecticut based mother, teacher, and freelance writer who blogs on children’s books and related topics at La La La. Her work has appeared in Quality Women’s Fiction, Town and Country magazine, and Literary Mama.